Dear Future Boyfriend (Whoever You May Be):

Last month I made a list of things I want from a person I would be involved in. Now, being raised as somewhat of a spoiled brat, I've always been very used to getting what I want, and I suppose I assumed that life would always be that way. Not just in terms of material things, but that I'd get what I wanted from people, too; have romantic, fairytale love affairs and all that stuff. Most of the people that know me or have been involved with me usually marvel that I'm not more demanding than I am. As a girlfriend, I am peculiarly low-maintenance. I don't expect a man to always pay for me (I usually pay for them, actually) or to buy me diamonds or roses. That idea of romance doesn't appeal to me at all (unless it's a skull diamond ring, and flowers aren't so bad...). But I do expect certain things that I think any girl (any 'good' girl) is entitled to. These are a bit tailored to my specific personality quirks, and inspired by the LACK of these things I have sometimes experienced, but I'm sure it echoes the sentiments of others.

The way to my heart:

-I want a man who throws rocks at my bedroom window at three o’ clock in the morning.
-I want a man who always makes me feel like the most beautiful girl in the room.
-I want a man who pays attention to me, and doesn’t even glance in the direction of other girls, who grabs my hand and says with his body language and his words that he is mine; someone naturally affectionate.
-I want a man who would never be attracted to a mousy brunette, a man who prefers golden haired, long-legged beauties with blue eyes.
-I want a man who I can trust; who, if he goes out with friends, I won’t worry that he's actually doing something else.
-I want a man who respects me.
-I want a man who appreciates all the little quirks and silly things I do, and loves me for them.
-I want a man who defends me, and would never tolerate someone being mean or cruel to me. If someone was mean to me, I would expect him to tell him/her to fuck off.
-I want a man who would choose me over anyone in the world.
-I want a man who feels protective over me and my feelings.
-I want a man to take care of and who takes care of me.
-I want a man who truly feels and expresses that he is lucky to have me.
-I want a man to drink champagne with, and who will take me to dinner or cook for me.
-I want a man who gets me presents, even if it’s something small, even if it’s not something he buys but creates, just to let me know he cares. I don't care about price tags. That's what Edward Merrow is for!
-I want a man who calls me out of the blue, not just when he is “supposed” to, even if just to say “hi” or “I love you”. If I am upset and hang up, I want a man who will know to call me back.
-I want a man that would fight for me, who, if I threatened to leave, would try to do anything to keep me. I want a man who knows how to say “I’m sorry".

OK, Lifetime-esque episode terminated. Of course, I need someone who I'm super attracted to and who looks at me and doesn't know whether to wrap his coat around me and protect me from the dragons or fuck me senseless, but that goes without saying. And someone who won't make fun of me if I happen to eat a pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting.

I think it helps to make lists like this. Over the past month, I've really awakened to how unhappy I have been, and how much people have let me down. Why should I put up with that? I'm 22 years old. I'm hot, I'm sweet, I have better taste in music than, let's face it, everyone (or at least other pretty girls inclined to r n' r), I'm rich, generous, smart, engaging. I see so many people I dearly love (my best friends, my sweet little sister) searching for that person, or attempting to understand why it hasn't worked out with someone, and it's amazing to me. Guess what, men? WE are the prize. We have the pussy. We win. Time to start acting like it.

Sound as ever,

LKM